Silent Night

So, its just after 9pm in my house. I am currently the only one left awake, too. It’s very quite tonight, aside from the dog snoring like a buzz saw. I’m ok with that, though. I get the chance to look around my living room, see my amazing fiance sleeping across the couch from me with baby wrapped up in her arms. Baby is doing a fine of job of sleeping, too. I’m sure it will be short lived, but she’s been fairly good about sleeping regularly. ( I know sooner finished that last sentence, then she woke up with a vengeance..). Even puppy is sleeping peacefully on her bed in front of the fire place. Today was the day that I had to return to work, too. I had intended to go back for the full work day, but when we woke up this morning, E wasn’t feeling the hottest, and was worried she would be too out of sorts by herself. So I, more than happy to stay home with my amazing family, only did a half day today. Her mom came over about noon and stayed for her lunch break, and I went about my duties at work, rather begrudgingly.

I think today, the biggest thing that I learned from going back to work, and being out of the house was that I am now more determined than ever to start my own web development company. I enjoy being home with my baby and my family. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being able to get out of the house and make it to my office, as well, but I think I would really enjoy being that dad that could work from home, designing websites and applications from his home office, while the baby made random sounds all day, and the dog laid on the couch and farted. I get that working from home is the  “dream” and that it isn’t always an attainable dream, either. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to try, though. What kind of example would I be sitting if I didn’t at least reach from my dream, right? (I feel like this is a shameless plug for free lance web design, but the more I look at it, the more I’m ok with it, lol). Of course, I understand that getting out of the house, and going to the office is just what some dads need. I can’t even blame you, either. I little personal/private time, even at work, is a great thing. You’ll need it to keep your crap together, I promise.

One of the other things I learned today is that I might not be that hard ass I used to be. And I’m ok with that. I’m no less of a man, or less aggressive, it’s just simply that my  center has shifted. I used to be very focused on being the best engineer I could be, and working like a dog to make an impression. I was very forward, and just generally had a low tolerance for b.s. Now, I still have a low b.s. tolerance, mind you, (don’t believe me, ride with me some time during rush hour), but I realized that maybe there are more important things to focus on. This little bit of wisdom came to me today while I was holding baby in my lap and brushing her hair. I can’t exactly explain it, nor do I really think I want to; it was a private enough feeling for me. Just that my center has shifted, and I like it.

A big shout out to my future mother-in-laws Sunday school class, by the way! The all got together and made a wonderful meal for us tonight, including an amazing cheese cake desert, to top it off. They were even so kind as to have it delivered to us here at home. It was a great blessing, seeing as how today was my first day back to work, and E’s first day on mom duty by herself. It was nice not to have to fret about food. I don’t know how many of those people from church will see this, but I know my mother-in-law reads this, so I’m sure word will get back to them soon enough.

On a final note, ( cause I’m tired, and want to play with my baby before I go to bed), tonight was the night it hit me that I am truly an adult. Not because I’m older than I care to admit, or because I have a career, or house, or any of that stuff, but because E needed some nursing pads and I ran out to get them from Target, ( told you it was an awesome place, oh the of little faith!), and on my drive home, it finally sank in that I’m a father. I have a wonderful fiance, better than I deserve. We have a beautiful house, a great and lazy puppy, and a great life together, and now, we can add the most perfect baby in the world in there to the mix. I went to the store today to get something for my baby…it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. So guys, when the time comes and your partner needs you to run to the store to get some kind of female thing for her, either during the pregnancy, or shortly after the baby gets here, take that time to think about your life, and how lucky you truly are.

Peace and chicken wings, everyone!

Oh, before I go…when your baby spits up all over herself, and I swear to you she will, its ok to still love her, but remember to wipe her little face off before you give it a kiss! You won’t like the taste of spoiled boob milk! I promise!

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